One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in HR leadership is this: If you want to solve real employee relations challenges, you have to be willing to ask the tough questions. Despite discomfort, I always advocate for asking tough questions; they’re necessary to create a workplace where people feel heard, respected, and able to do their best work.
A Conflict That Needed Clarity
A director once came to me feeling completely unheard, ignored, and undermined by another director. They shared specific examples of being dismissed, overruled, and excluded from decisions. The situation had escalated to the point where they were considering filing a hostile workplace claim.
Rather than assuming the worst, I met with the other director to hear their perspective. What I discovered surprised me. A former boss had pitted them against each other, fueling distrust. Instead of intentional antagonism, both directors had been operating with misinformation and old workplace baggage.
Understanding this, I proposed a mediated discussion between the two. They hesitated, having attempted conflict resolution before with little success. But I assured them this time would be different—we would push past surface-level solutions and ask the tough questions.
Breaking Through Artificial Harmony with Tough Questions
At first, the meeting was slow-moving, cautious to the point of coming to a standstill. They had been through conflict resolution exercises before and expected to go through the motions again without real change. But I pressed them to go deeper:
- What had they truly experienced?
- How had it made them feel?
- What did they need to move forward?
Nudging them each to be more honest crumbled the walls between them and served as a turning point. They realized there was much information that had been kept from each other. Once the holes were filled in, they realized they were holding themselves back by not engaging each other in their work worlds. From that point forward, these former adversaries began working together. They even invited one another into hiring decisions, ultimately building a healthier workplace dynamic.
“If you want to solve real employee relations challenges, you have to be willing to ask the tough questions.”
– Tara Bethell
The Power of Asking Tough Questions
This experience reinforced a crucial HR lesson: Don’t shy away from tough conversations. When managed well, these discussions don’t just resolve conflicts—they strengthen teams. Here’s how to make it work:
- Create Psychological Safety: People will only be honest if they feel safe doing so. HR leaders must model this by fostering openness, fairness, and trust.
- Want to cultivate a culture of Psychological Safety within your organization or team? Then check out this Introductory Guide to Psychological Safety that my team and I put together. It even includes a quick self-assessment.
- Encourage Vulnerability: Surface-level complaints won’t solve deep-seated issues. Ask employees to share their real concerns and emotions, not just frustrations.
- Push for Clarity: Help individuals articulate what they need to move forward productively. Don’t settle for vague answers.
- Avoid Artificial Harmony: Ignoring conflict doesn’t resolve it. Push past pleasantries to address the root cause directly.
“When teams break down communication barriers, they don’t just resolve conflicts—they unlock new opportunities for collaboration.”
– Tara Bethell
The Lasting Impact of Tough Conversations
The transformation I witnessed between these two directors wasn’t just about resolving one conflict. On the contrary, it was about changing their approach to working together. And it all started with tough questions.
HR leaders play a crucial role in guiding these conversations. When we create space for honest dialogue, we don’t just solve problems—we build healthier, stronger, and more collaborative workplaces.
So, the next time you face a tough employee relations issue, don’t shy away from the difficult conversations. Lean into them. They might just be the key to lasting change.
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